Mourning on the Inside

I feel as if I should address the heartbreaking events of poor Newtown, CT on Friday. Except… I have nothing to say. No words in the entire English language, or any language, can make sense of what happened, can make excuses for the events that unfolded, and can make a grieving family forgive and forget. There’s nothing.

Mourning on the inside – that’s what I’m doing. I cannot even fathom. But “BREAKING NEWS” updates every five minutes, about his mother and his outfit of choice and the heroes and the interviews – that’s not doing it for me. All that does is bring more attention, more crushing reminder, that this is the world we live in. I’m proud of the incredible amount of support people are already providing – and knowing that there are so many great people left in the world – but I’m still crushed, afraid, frightened for everyone – that there are other people who are not that great. I just can’t think about it anymore.

Late Friday night, I watched the Dateline update where they were interviewing children, whose voices were so shaky that you could barely understand their words. I changed it to a stupid Howie Mandell game show within ten minutes, because I’d rather drown out the sounds of people being greedy on national television than be sucked into the craziness of real life. It’s sad, and I felt guilty for changing the channel, but I just couldn’t do it.

I skyped with my four year old sister a few times this past week. And when I see the innocent faces, the ages, the victims, all through the media – she’s all I can think of. She’s so innocent and sweet and has so much more life to live. As did they. And it breaks my heart, because when I hear “20 children,” I see her face. And I just can’t imagine.

I did steal this from Google Images. Please don't prosecute me.