Random Thoughts

Random thoughts of the day/week/whatev. Ready and GO.

I woke up knowing that today was Tuesday (that’s a big deal – I usually don’t know what day/month it is). I specifically didn’t wear mascara because I knew Parenthood (favorite show ever in the entire big whole universe) would make me cry like a baby tonight. I also didn’t wear mascara because I only wear make-up/take my sweatpants off/look like a functional human for special occasions. I also watched the Katy Perry movie this week. And cried. Russell Brand sucks. She’s so cute. Why would anyone ever want to make her cry? And also, Katy Perry had viciously-adorable eyebrows throughout the whole movie, and I became a bigger fan with every flash of those puppies. I love people that aren’t absolutely obsessed with making their eyebrows 0.01 inches wide and pencil-drawn-on-looking. I have ugly eyebrows, and I also have a very low pain tolerance, so I’ve given up on maintaining. No judgment zone.

 And on another note, tomorrow marks exactly one month since I’ve dedicated my busy schedule to exercising…

Sorry, had to take a minute to recover from all the laughter. I hate exercising, in case you have never met me. Like seriously, mark it on your calendar. ONE MONTH of exercising. I’m pretty sure I even average a mile a day (or so, because I’m actually the laziest person on Earth). And sometime within the next month, I’m going to start a diet. Just in time to lose a few pounds so I can eat my body weight in Thanksgiving turkey and Christmas ham. The most wonderful time of the year.

Even with no make-up on, I want to kiss her:

Katy Perry on SNL - "Bronx Beat"

^A link to Katy Perry's guest appearance on Saturday Night Live after the Sesame Street controversy, cleavage and all.

My BFF

Being 2384134809 miles away from home is hard. 3,500 miles away from home – also hard. It’s hard to leave behind family, and although I don’t have many friends, it’s hard to leave behind the special ones. This week (for the sake of the blog), I’m thankful for my best friend, and all the weird things we’ve encountered in the past 7 years. I’m actually thankful for her every day, but whatev. You get the point.

I remember the day we became best friends. Sitting on basement stairs late at night in our PJ’s, bear-hugging and doing all that emotional stuff that BFF’s do – it became official. We’re best friends forever. No turning back now.

Since that day, we’ve had our share of adventures. A few years back, we went out of state for a concert. She dared me to be brave, for once, and I somehow ended up begging an employee for upgrade tickets. I cranked up the charm (or something like that) when he asked me why he should give me tickets, and I exploded with “We’ve been here for 8 hours and we drove a long way and we’ve been standing in the sun all day and there are drunk people everywhere!” And that annoying little ramble got us front-row tickets. That’s not true. They weren’t front-row at all, but wouldn’t that have made the story so much better? But they were significantly better than where we were. And after a long night at the concert, we ended up back at the hotel, bored out of our minds eating pizza – big surprise there. We went to the front desk, and told the nice young man that we weren’t going to stay the night. “Your state is boring,” I said. I didn’t realize it was such an insult, but my poor BFF was mortified. She will never let me live that one down. She even told that story to EVERYONE I KNOW during her maid-of-honor speech. Yeah… thanks for that…

So on top of insulting New Hampshire front desk clerks and embarrassing wedding speeches, we really have been through it all. We’ve done it all. I know people say that all the time, but we’re for real. She was my first official visitor when I moved across the country… jumping the gun so quickly that she got to camp with us on air mattresses and all. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Graduation vacation to Florida, endless sleepovers and late night talks, roller-blading in the basement, sharing clothes, shopping, getting to my house two minutes after the mister proposed (stalker?), Dairy Queen dates (spilling chocolate ALL over my jeans right before work?) McDonald’s dates, Subway dates (why does everything revolve around food?), picking me up at the airport with a glittery “Welcome Home” sign from our honeymoon, helping each other with homework (Lit & Media video – block of cheese in the pool), 3AM drives across the state for things that could have absolutely waited until the morning, beach days in the middle of winter, late-night mission to find a kitten… why are we so strange?

I know if you’re anybody but my lovely little BFF, you probably hate this blog right about now. But yesterday after a creepy old man was revving his engine at me, and he stalled his truck, and I busted out laughing enough to make the guy blush, I knew nobody else would understand the humor except for her. We are one in the same person, separated by 3,500 miles, but what’s a little distance?

I Just Wanna Sleep...

The first thing I think about when I wake up is, “I can’t wait until it’s time for bed.” I’m always tired. Literally ALWAYS. It’s sad, actually. But I manage to drag myself through the day, and when it’s time for bed, guess what happens? I. CAN’T. SLEEP.

Something about lying in bed, in complete silence, listening to the mister snore, gets my mind racing. The first thing I managed to think about is meatballs. I’ve been trying to make extra dinner so we can have freezer meals, and yesterday, I made meatballs. I made about 60 meatballs, and we ate about 5. According to the Pinterest recipe (Pinterest-addict), I had to freeze them on the pan for a while before putting them in bags to freeze long-term. Something about the snoring, the sound of the fan, the pitch black, made me remember that I forgot the damn meatballs. I even woke up the mister just to tell him.

After the meatball extravaganza, I ended up back in bed, hoping for sleep. Then I had to pee. 4 times within an hour – seriously. My bladder is the size of a pea (pun intended!)… okay, that was really lame, I apologize. Once I tripped over the fan and made a bunch of noise, I ended up comfortably back in bed, and all I wanted to do was FALL ASLEEP! Suddenly my brain is singing John Mayer and Rockin’ Robin. We heard that stupid robin song on a TV commercial earlier in the night, and I promised my mister – I’d be singing it for days. Something about that ridiculous song is so catchy. So I made myself stop singing, and tried to sleep, and ended up thinking about…

Uniforms in the dryer. They’re going to get wrinkled. I should have put them away before bed. Should I get up? And do laundry? At this hour. I forced myself to stay in bed, but suddenly I found my iPhone in my hand. Yeah, this is going to help me sleep. Now I’m online shopping for stuff I don’t need (what’s new?) and stalking people on Facebook. And I know you’re supposed to “power down” an hour before bed to help you sleep (I heard that in a Mike Birbiglia joke once. He’s funny stuff). So I put my phone away, and pray for some sleep. I start thinking about how strange it is that my mister is suddenly fantasy-football-obsessed, and how I can’t wait to go home for Christmas, and how I have a ton of homework to do this week, and how I hate Mondays even though I don’t have a job. And then I start taking my pulse – 60 seconds at a time, wondering if my heart is going to stop overnight. I have a crazy fear of not waking up, but I also have a freakishly slow heart rate at night. I need to go to the doctor. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find a new doctor.

And right when I’m about to fall asleep, my phone vibrates. Who is texting me at this hour? Of course I can’t ignore it – what if it’s an emergency? It’s not. It never is. And now I’m just back to square one.

Finding Nemo!

Just a short blog for now, because today I’ve accomplished absolutely zilch, zip, nada. My husband will be home shortly and I have to at least pretend that I did something. And I really did do something – I went shopping. There’s nothing like a little retail therapy. But I saved a ton of money, so he shouldn’t be that upset… right? I’m totally turning into “that crazy coupon lady.”

I am absolutely looking forward to this weekend after a week that I swore would never end. I can’t imagine how you all feel, and when I say “you all,” I mean the people that actually participate in society… and work. This weekend, we have very little to do, which is great. I remember being younger, and when I had no plans, I was bored. Now when we have no plans, I know it just means a little bit of relaxation with my mister. Nothing better. Tonight we’re headed to the movies to see Finding Nemo in 3D. That’s not a joke. I’m completely serious. And I’m so excited. I love that I’m secretly a child at heart, and that my mister completely understands. Plus, Finding Nemo is non-arguably the greatest movie ever. EVER.

Just as I was about to get productive, my little child sister Skyped me. How can I turn down an adorable 3 year-old with a teenage attitude? She’s adorable. She spends half our Skyping time checking herself out in the camera, and the other half yelling at my sister to “get away, stop being a baby, stop getting on my nerve.” And also acting out a “dolly” she must’ve seen on TV that “does THIS” (insert 3 year-old mimicking some crazy walking and talking doll).

So that’s it for today. Nothing exciting, I apologize. Just me seeing Finding Nemo (in a theater of children, I’m sure) and making chicken and rice casserole for the mister… even though I’m not hungry because I had Pizza Hut for breakfast and ice cream for lunch. I dub today the “day off” of exercising/eating decent food. I suck.

If I were a fish - I'd be Dory.

9/11

Heads up: a little more serious than normal. Sorry if you only read for my incredibly awesome sense of humor (sarcasm).

Yesterday would have been a prime blog day to write about what everybody wrote and talked about: the tragedy that our country faced on September 11^th, 2001. But you know what? I don’t think we need an anniversary once every 365/366 days to remember the deceased, the brave, the affected, the heroes.

Here goes the kind-of-serious portion of today’s blog. On 9/11/01, I was in 5^th grade. I remember an announcement on the loudspeaker to inform the teacher of an emergency meeting. I remember going home and my mom having the television on. I remember not being all that affected because I was a naïve child who had very little idea what was going on. And every year since then, I remember people remembering those lost on that tragic day. I bet you some serious money that my 16 year-old sister remembers every detail of 9/11/01 – do the math, she was pretty young. She has an incredible memory – it blows my mind. But that’s completely beside the point I was trying to make.

Looking back, I feel guilty that as a 5^th grader, I had little compassion for the unfolding events. But honestly – I had little idea of the severity, the impact. Now I’m (a little smarter), and I just have to say: I’m thankful I get to wake up, get to live a safe and peaceful life, get to fall asleep next to my military man, knowing the crazy number of military spouses who don’t get this simple little life pleasure. Props to you, people. Serious props to you.

And to completely change topics with no form of smooth transition (a bad habit of mine, if you haven’t already noticed), yesterday a few great things happened to me. I got my new Vibrams (TOE SHOES) in the mail, and my all-time favorite TV show started up again, which now apparently has Ray Romano (who reminds me strangely of my dad). Parenthood – if you’ve never watched it – Go. Now. Seriously. And if you’ve never seen toe shoes, I’ll post a picture of my sexy feet so you can laugh it up like my mom does.

Toe shoes!

And ridiculous "mom jeans".

You would laugh so hard if you saw what my butt looked like in these babies.

They're from Old Navy... But let's be real - I bought them at Goodwill.

Little Things - Part 3

Last week, I made a vow that at the end of every week, I’d write a blog about the things I’m thankful for – the little things that catch me off guard and make me smile. I’m already behind, since it is now the beginning of the week, but if you know me, you probably already knew I’d end up slacking. So – this week, I’m thankful for the beautiful weather, the mister, and football season.

California’s weather sucks, in case you haven’t heard me complain about it enough. It really really sucks. Something about dark clouds and thick fog and a chilly 58 degrees every single day for weeks at a time can bring a person down – trust me. When the sun started coming out yesterday, and actually sticking around for more than five minutes, I practically had to squint my eyes for fear that I’d go blind. I headed to the farmer’s market today under beautiful blue skies. Something about the change of weather made me crank the music up a little bit louder and drive a little bit faster – there are very few things better than John Mayer on a Sunday afternoon, by the way. I’m also thankful for the police officer who didn’t flinch when I drove through the speed trap that, of course, took me by complete surprise on my way home. Thank you, kind sir, for not ruining my day. So between the sunshine, 10 cent grapefruits, and a clean driving record (knock on wood), my Sunday was probably better than yours. And I wasn’t kidding about 10 cent grapefruits. I don’t even like grapefruit but I buy them anyway (mostly because the mister enjoys them, but whatever).

And speaking of the mister – this week, I am extra thankful for him. I mean, I enjoy him every week, but last night I had one of those “catch-me-off-guard-take-my-breath-away” moments. We went to the Air Force Ball (Happy 65^th to you, AF), which wasn’t nearly as intimidating as it sounds. It was a fun evening of playing dress up, eating course after course of great food, shaking hands, taking pictures, and listening to the kind of speeches that give you goosebumps. While listening to the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force speak, I couldn’t help but think about how he started out with no plans of making the military a career. I think that will be my husband. Someday in the future, he’ll be giving those goosebump-giving speeches with an arm full of stripes, and I’ll remain the proudest wife around. He’s one of the most motivated people (strange that he married one of the most UN-motivated people), and I know he’s going places. Guess I picked a good one.

Football season started today – or so I’ve heard, since I couldn’t watch it (no thanks to you, Dish Network). I am thankful for the fact that I am not a very typical girl. I pride myself in knowing a good handful about football. Although it began as a “Why are all football players so beautiful looking?” hobby, I caught on and learned a bunch – my mother deserves the most credit for that. So even though I can’t watch the games, I can obsessively check the score online (you bet I did) and cheer on my guys in dark blue from the West Coast. 

All fancy-like for the Ball.

How Did I Get Here?

Yesterday as I was driving downtown to pick up my husband, I had this weird moment of realization. How the hell did I get here? From East Coast to West Coast – from one breath-taking state to another. Three years ago, if you had told me I was moving to California, I would have laughed in your face. Seriously - right in your face.

I very specifically remember one afternoon when I was in elementary school. I was at a friend’s house down the road, and she told me her parents were getting divorced. I remember saying to myself, “I am so lucky my family is normal.” I came from a family of three children and two parents – pretty “normal” if there ever was such a thing. And ten years later, I find myself with two divorced parents (who remained pretty decent friends), two sisters (the same two sisters), a toddler-sized half-sister, and two “step”-brothers (or something like that). How the hell did I get here?

Skip forward a bunch of years. Suddenly I’m being set up on a blind-date for the first time and never more nervous in my life. Something about that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling that I’d never really felt – and I’ll never forget. I have one of the strangest stories of how I met my husband, and that would be all thanks to our eventual best man and maid of honor. If you’ve never heard the story, maybe I’ll tell you someday. A handful of months later and I have a gorgeous ring on my hand, and just a few more months later and I’m balling my eyes out as I pledge the new last name. I really did cry THAT much – and I think everyone else did too. Why are weddings so emotional? So I find myself in a room filled with family and friends from across the world – 8 states and another country, to be exact – and I’m again (very happily) questioning – how the hell did I get here?

Now I’m in California, reminiscing on how much has changed in two short years. I remember thinking, “What I would give for one full day off to spend with my husband – no school, no work.” For two years, I saw MAYBE a week’s worth of these types of days. Now we live a very scheduled life (that I absolutely adore) and we get these precious moments every week. Now I get to stay home, do homework, clean the house, fold laundry, and cook – and I love every second of it. How did that happen, and how the hell did I get here?

My only hope for now is that in three years, I’m not having babies in some Korean or Chinese military hospital saying (you guessed it) – “How the hell did I get here?” Fingers crossed for stateside – East Coast, to be more exact.

Just a bit of ridiculously stupid humor for my East Coast people.

Isn't it Ironic?

Earlier this week, the mister and I took advantage of the long holiday weekend to head into town and be tourists. The Greek Festival was in town and he was dying for some baklava. Because highway traffic was literally at a standstill for about 10 miles, we made plans to take the bus – and go green, and save gas, and stuff. We walked to the bus stop and waited. And waited. And waited. And after a chilly 17 minutes, the bus didn’t come. So we walked home to bite the bullet and grab the car. What’s $10 in parking fees when baklava was in town? And as we walked away – steps from our house but still within sight of the bus stop, what do we hear? And see? The damn #16 bus. What are the chances that we wait an extra 17 minutes, but in fact the bus was 18 minutes late?

And like Alanis Morissette once said, it’s like rain on your wedding day. Life is just ironic like that. Ironically enough – it poured on my wedding day… so hard we almost had to pull over on the way to the ceremony, where we were already running 35 minutes late. The world was also supposed to end (seriously – judgment day or something) – on my wedding day. More irony. But that’s a whole different story.

So as I went for yet another run last night (ironic enough in itself, if you’ve ever actually met me), all I could think about was the funny and random things that life continues to present me. That’s not necessarily true – I mostly make up my own ironic situations, but whatever. For example – I made myself run 8 minutes the other night just so I could come home and eat the fresh-outta-the-oven pan of brownies I’d just made. And eat them I did…

And while I was convinced that my body was shutting down and just giving up halfway through my run, I thought I stepped in dog poop. Ironically enough, lifting my leg to look at my shoe took more energy than making my whole body run, and I almost fell over (seriously, again. I’m so out of shape). If you were wondering – it wasn’t dog poop. It was just a little pebble stuck in my shoe. So I ran some more – until I saw a big red STOP sign. I felt the world laughing just a little, because really, my body was begging me to stop.

But I continued on, and I became even creepier than I already am (yes, it’s possible) as I started spying into peoples’ windows. Let me explain – it’s not what it sounds like. I was getting bored, so as I ran, I kept looking into all the opened windows to see what the neighbors were up to. Okay, so it is exactly what it sounds like. But seriously, I love to see how people decorate. And then I laughed, because of the irony – that I get dressed (and undressed) in front of the window all the time, because “who is actually looking in the windows, anyway?”

And of course, I am out of ironic examples for today, even though while I was running, my head was about to explode with all these crazy blog ideas – why does that always happen? So for now, just trust me when I say that life is strange, ironic, and random like the stupid bus being 18 minutes late. And also, I hope I got this song stuck in your head, because I’ve been singing it all day. You’re welcome.

“An old man turned 98. He won the lottery, and died the next day. It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay. It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late."

Little Things - Part 2

Believe it or not, I’ve actually had a crazy week. Almost every day, I’ve had a new blog idea to share and no time to write. And when I sat down to write today, I was empty-handed. Thank you very much writer’s block (this early in – I think I’m in trouble). So I looked back and decided that at the end of every week, I’m going to write a similar “Little Things” to what I wrote last week. In my day-to-day, there are always these awkward and weird “little things” that catch me by surprise, and make me realize that I’ve been dealt some pretty great cards. I am indeed a lucky duck.

In this rendition of “Little Things,” I’m thankful for Skype, long holiday weekends, and the simple sound of silence.

After a very long week of feeling just a little “off,” I am thankful for the ability to just sit – in absolute silence. Nothing has ever sounded better than this sounded to me after a crazy week of the screaming baby I was watching and way too little sleep. I have absolutely taken for granted the ability to get shit done during the day. Today, on an uneventful and dreary Saturday, I am so thankful for… wait for it… time to do laundry and homework. Mind blown, I know. That’s what I said too.

Today is a lazy Saturday as a result of a busy Friday for me and the mister. Today I’m thankful for long holiday weekends. We spent the afternoon at the fair, smelling a ridiculous amount of deep-fried-everything and farm animals. We shared an ice cream and watched a magic show like we’re children, and I loved every second of it. And for the record – magic shows freak me out. How do you cut people in half without a disgusting amount of bloodshed? But that’s off topic. Then we went out with a handful of friends and had nachos and drinks (and more drinks), and finished off a fun day with Zoolander before bed (what a strange movie). Nothing is more entertaining than being the sober one in a bunch of not-so-sober ones. I recall the mister telling me at one point – “I know I’m drunk because I’m having a hard time controlling my bowels” and by that he very clearly meant bladder. He wasn’t keen on me writing that in my blog, but I laughed too hard not to share it with the world. We’ve all said a stupid thing (or two, or three) under the influence, so no worries mister – I find you hilarious. I love drunken husband.

And on another note, I would like to meet the inventor of Skype and shake his hand, because seeing my 3 year-old sister’s smiley face this morning has made my entire day. Living thousands of miles away from home is hard enough, but the upside is that I get to talk, text, Facebook, and email with everyone on almost a daily basis… except a 3 year-old. She is growing up so fast, and I feel like I’m missing it all. We Skyped this morning for her to tell me about how she peed her pants on the playground (I guess she isn't growing up TOO fast), took a bath, wants tacos/McDonalds for lunch, and demands a puppy (a pitbull, to be precise) for her upcoming birthday. The strangest conversation if you aren’t talking to a 3 year-old, but I loved every second of it. We even played a few minutes of hide-and-seek… on the computer. Don’t ask – she’s just as crazy as me.

"Smile - I'm taking a picture of you.

Alright I'm done... you can stop smiling now."